I know it is not really advisable to blog when ones brain is nearly burned out from all the over time at work. Especially when the nature of your job requires you staring at the computer for more than 12 hours a day; the last thing you want to do when you get home is, face your laptop. But it’s a little different.. in the sense that, you’re not running clients accounts or even trying to please clients requests over emails via your laptop.. but doing something else. Something more than just doing what you gotta do for a living.. get the drift? becos I don’t.

I feel exhausted just thinking about work. I miss having my quiet time, just lazing and doing nothing. Just a book will do. I’m beginning to dread my entire adulthood though it has barely started.

I started thinking a hell lot about what I want in life with recent, and I’m still thinking. I won’t deny this - I do not like working and I’m doing it for the sake of … life. So I decided to make the best out of it, by doing something which I’m passionate about - volunteering.

Been wanting to do so for a very very long time but my previous work hours did not permit my passion from happening. Now I can! I just volunteered myself with the company’s voluntary group.. For this month, we have to help needy children/young teens with disability. Feeling quite excited about it and I know it’s going to be really tiring. But, I know I will enjoy it alot. This is my way of contributing back to the society, and the unfortunate.. I wish to make it somewhere one day, and volunteer actively for NGO/NPO UNESCO. One day..

Even so, I would like to do more than that… I’m still thinking of ways I can help without being too concerned monetary wise. Sigh, sadly the world talks money.

Sometimes I really wonder, why would some people volunteer themselves yet can’t be bothered about their own family’s well-being?  It’s really quite disturbing.

I hid my compassion away because I was being pushed over by, and I forgot how to be compassionate.. I became somewhat cruel, mean, wicked.. any adjective that fits that line. Best word would be selfish. But, I built patience along the way of selfishness because I thought, why put myself along the same line as them when I know I’m better and I can be better? And so I did. I did it well, and many are surprised by it. After being exposed to another side of the world, I learned to grit my teeth, bear the insults, discrimination, prejudices. I found back compassion, sympathy, empathy and understanding. I found back most importantly, patience. I learned to swallow anger, swallow judgments and I’m still learning to see the better of things. Hope I’m getting there..

I think it will be a better side of me this year, I hope. I wish to say that, I’ve grown up..